Hansel And Gretel: Witch Hunters

Badass

 
    This movie was everything I hoped it would be. It was consistently awesome with every witch they fought and dare I say, someone Gemma Arterton was more badass than Jeremy Renner for once! Hansel (Renner) was definitely more 'kid brother who mucks up every now and then and has to have big sister come save his ass.'

Girl power.

    Plus it was nice that they made evil witches ugly instead of beautiful and seductive. It felt more like a fairy tale/folk story that way. 

   The story wasn't as predictable as I thought it would be either. I felt like it was mocking me every time I guessed something wrong. 

You thought you knew where we were going with this but you didn't haha. 

   I thought it was interesting that they brought up the subject of diabetes and an alternative to a defibrillator. Futuristic science in a fairy tale is definitely intriguing; especially when explained in a fairy tale way. The weapons were cool, the spells were cool...It was just cool, ok? I'd say 8 out of 10. Nice action, kickass movie. 

A Haunted House

LOL

    EDIT: Ok so 'lol' by itself isn't good enough of a description for a movie...I get it. (Or is it?)

    This is the first comedy movie (in a very long time) to make me laugh so hard I couldn't breathe. I'd say that's pretty damn good. The jokes were mostly funny although I could do without the scene with Nick sexing it up with stuffed animals. It was uncomfortable. But I do go into comedy movies knowing they plan to make me uncomfortable...just not like that.

    They made some Blair Witch references and I believe a Left for Dead reference about startling the witch + other horror movie stuff. It was funny, I laughed, watch it when you got the time.

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey

Insert super duper geek out session here.

    When I got wind that they were making this into a movie I thought I wouldn't be able to hold out to see it. Then they decided to make it into three parts. You're KILLIN' me smalls. Luckily I got to see the first installment a few days after it was released and it was everything I wanted it to be and more.

    To back it up a bit, I feel it is story time. You see, The Hobbit was a book my father had read to my brother and me when we were little kids. My brother would act out any action scenes respectively and I'd tell him to shut up and sit down so dad could continue. This book was my childhood. So after seeing the film, I decided I needed to go back and read it again.

    I have to give the creators of the movie a slow applause. They direct quoted from the book many times and made Bilbo Baggins out to be even more lovable and endearing. 

And who can't fall in love with anything Martin Freeman does in general?

    Seriously. This movie did good. It was a total of 2 hours and 49 minutes long and I loved every minute of it. The only happiness I felt from it coming to an end was that I could go to the restroom and relieve my bladder without missing anything. Otherwise I was sad that it was over and that I'd have to wait an eternity to see the next installment.

   A coworker of mined asked, "Didn't it feel dragged out to you?" and I replied with, "No, why?" insulted anyone could insinuate that this movie was too long. His reasoning was that half and hour had passed and they were still in Bilbo's house. I remember stating that was my favorite part and he looked at me like I was crazy. To each their own.

    Since I have no complaints and wouldn't be able to state any downfalls with this movie (other than how annoyed I was that they wouldn't show the dragon's face throughout the whole beginning as if A DRAGON'S FACE is a mystery), I'll have to name a few my coworker had issues with.

The one dragon eye to woo them all. I can practically see Benedict Cumberbatch in that galaxy eye.

   First being the movie was dragged out. How long can dwarfs stay in a hobbit hole and keep people entertained? 

    My answer: The whole movie. They drink, make jokes, and sing songs with their smooth as milk chocolate voices about mountains COME. ON.

I'd want them over to wash my dishes if I didn't know they'd eat me out of bed and home

...like a certain friend of mine does already..hmm.

    Secondly: The orcs and such were all animated and not real people.

    Boo-friggin-hoo. I don't really get how that's an issue. Someone explain to me why this is an issue. No. Really.

The trolls were hilarious, by the way. Being human actors wouldn't necessarily improve anything.

    There was stuff added to the story.

    Yes, other Tolkien lore was added to the movie. Considering it's the same world, I don't have a problem with it. Plus it added some cool story telling feel to it. The movie literally felt like a book in motion. It was that cool.

   Basically, I am all-around biased towards this movie and can see no wrong in it. I acknowledge my coworker's complaints but do not see them as failings. It just feels like unnecessary nitpicking on an awesomely done movie. 10 out of 10 from me. Everyone should see it!

Silent Hill Revelation: For the Fans

For those not in the know, Silent Hill Revelation is basically an adaption of the video game Silent Hill 3. (As well as a sequel to the first movie.)

This.

In my opinion, this movie is what the first Silent Hill movie should have been. It catered to Silent Hill fans A LOT. Of course that means it's not really going to be a movie for nonfans. Or at least I don't really see how nonfans could like it.

It's got a sporadic pace, kind of like a roller coaster. From the start you're thrown into the action; the nightmare that is silent hill (much like the beginning of SH3!). Then it's slow for a while, then it's fast! then slow again. They had to put in a lot of explanations and flashbacks from the first movie (which was executed rather well) but I'm not sure it's something people would like.

Reasons:
1) Not that many jump scares
2) Weird soundtrack
3) what the fuck is going on?

There weren't many stupid decisions either. Basically: This wasn't a lame B-movie gore ride which I think made people bored with it (from what I observed in the theater I was in). The guys in the row below me were more preoccupied with all the boobies and vaginas more than anything else.

So now that I've talked about it from a nonfan point of view...Here's my fan reaction:

IT. WAS. AWESOME.

Reasons:
1) Not that many jumps scares
2) Akira Yamaoka remixed the soundtrack a bit but still very SH3
3) I KNOW WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON

Chris' name was changed to Harry. Heather looks and moves like Heather.  THEY DIDN'T MAKE HER A WUSS. This was actually what I was seriously worried about. The Heather I knew was really strong and didn't take shit from anyone. She's exactly like that in the movie.

All around Badass.

There's new and old monsters! The new ones were super cool so I'm not upset about this in any way, shape or form. Some people may not be happy with what they chose to do with Pyramid Head, but I like it. Once you see the movie, you'll understand what I mean.

Now things I hated about it:
1) The actress picked for Claudia
2) Vincent

As I mentioned in my first blog post, Carrie-Ann Moss didn't care to see what the video game Claudia was like and decided to play her how she liked. That was her mistake. Her version of Claudia basically sucked. 

In this picture, we see her failing at Claudia. She isn't even happy with herself ever.

As for Vincent, I could go on and on but I'll just leave it at: I understand it's a movie but does there REALLY need to be a love interest? 

Go back to the wall, Snow!

Even with that, I have to say to Silent Hill fans, I HIGHLY recommend you see it. It was great. And if you can, see it in 3D. I had fun swatting at the ash falling in my face.

To nonfans, I'd say go see it only if you really like story and disturbing movies. Go for the creepy ambience, not for the jump scares or screaming girls.



Possible Spoilers******* Not about plot. Mostly easter eggs I suppose.

There are TONS of nerdy moments for Silent Hill fans. These include:

Locked doors
Robbie the Rabbit
Travis Grady (from SH Origins)
Possible hint at SH: Downpour
Pyramid Head
Missionary
Save Point Symbol
Metatron
The Pipe weapon!
etc, etc.

I pretty much fangasmed the whole movie.

LA Noire: First Impressions

LA Noire. 

Fuck yeah.

    Amazing game. Amazing concept. Amazing facial expressions.

    Not to mention Cole Phelps is either Spiderman or just a super being.

Fuck Yeah Cole Phelps.

    I can't help but feel this game could be improved upon. Perhaps not make every case put into one giant category after the other.

    For example: All car related crimes, then homicides, etc.

    They should switch it up! Maybe make one big case that the guys are trying to solve and have all these other minor cases in the meantime.

    Also, the driving can be kind of annoying and dull. I like that it tries to be realistic, but if I wanted to follow traffic laws, I'll go out and drive in real life.

Beep Beep Motherfucker.

    I will admit I haven't beaten it yet so I'm not sure how the flashbacks of Cole's life is going to impact my feelings about the game in general. If it changes my thoughts greatly I may make another post on it.

    However! I do highly recommend the game. It's awesome.