Skyrim

Let me guess...did someone steal your sweetroll?

No, you sonuva b****. I never had a sweetroll.

    Another thing you must know about me is I love to join bandwagons after the wagon has been dismounted. There's a lot less annoying noise when you join something before or after everyone. I can go my own pace, enjoy my time, etc. 

    I was pretty happy to find a used version of the game for $14. I thought, now is the time, and bought it. When I booted it up, I was amazed at the beautiful scenery. It's not very often a game gets me to pause and look around in awe. (Pretty sure the Bioshock series is one of the only few to do so.) Obviously I already knew it would take me half an hour just to decide on a race and what she'd look like. 

Sims creator, anyone?

    Of course, after I'd chosen Woof Elf and found the appropriate name for her (Dessa), I began my quest in whatever the hell I was supposed to do first.

    Once I got to Whiterun and joined the Companions, I really started to see why people were so obsessed with this game. There's so many quests to do (I swear I got 20 going right now. Sometimes it's too much for me) so it's not like you never have anything to do. There are some glitches here and there that are hilarious and some that are super frustrating. 

    

    My favorite thing ever right now *SPOILER* is when Kematu subdued the traitor by petrifying her and she falls like a plank with her arms crossed. It's still giving me so much life.

    

-Bewitched nose wiggle-

    I killed my first Wooly mammoth by cheating. And by cheating I mean standing on high ground and shooting it with arrows for 5 minutes until it died. Yeah, we aren't doing that again. But it got my quest done.

   I appreciate the game for what it is; one of the best western rpgs ever created. The leveling up system is soooo much better than Oblivion was. It's overwhelming how many skills you can choose, though. There's a giant spider web of stuff but at least they limit you by how much of that skill you've acquired.

    All-in-all it's a really great game and worth all the praise it received. It's super addictive and really fun to run about the open world. I definitely recommend it to those who refused it beforehand because of all the 'arrow to the knee' memes. It's a fun game.

Die Hard Died Hard in My Heart

No, it's not. It's a very bad day to Die hard.

    If there's anything you should know about me at all, it should be that I friggin love the Die Hard series. The latest addition however...

Like father. Like son. Like Hell.

    Yeah. Like Hell I'd ever watch this piece of crap again. 

    Let me start from the beginning. Growing up- ok maybe that's too early. No need for me to go Chunk. (The Goonies for you uncultured types.) When I heard they were going to make this Die Hard, I was ecstatic. I have seen every Die Hard before it a good amount of times throughout my life. When the 4th Die Hard was released I saw it two days in a row with different people. After that, I had some crazy dreams where I had to save some lady and there were helicopters crashing into buildings and the like. It was pretty awesome.

    But, I digress...I was told the man behind the movie had changed along with the man's idea of who McClane was. Ruh-roh. Right then I knew something wasn't going to go right. They were going to make McClane less funny and more serious. Um...what? McClane is supposed to throw out silly jokes once in a while. It's his personality. When you live a life full of bullshit, you gotta joke about it once in a while to stay sane. He had a few lines in there that were jokes, and didn't think too smart about some things but I guess we could chalk it up to becoming old and bitter and dumb. I don't know.

    Once I saw the movie I was super unimpressed and felt cheated. What was this wannabe Die Hard? His son?? Jerkface?? People?? UGGHH???

    Honestly this will be the worst review I ever give because it's been forever since I saw it and since then I've tried to forget it even existed. It was that bad.

    A coworker asked me a while back, "What did you think of the fifth Die Hard?" and I curtly replied, "What? There's only four."

    Live Free or Die Hard was just such a fun movie with fun characters. Sure the plot was whatever but I didn't care. It was fun. This one, however...It was depressing. The story was a complete waste. I don't even wanna talk about it anymore.

    And if you're wondering why I even bothered now (especially so late int he game) it's because I saw it at work...and I became enraged like a bull seeing red. 

You don't exiiiisssst.