Die Hard Died Hard in My Heart

No, it's not. It's a very bad day to Die hard.

    If there's anything you should know about me at all, it should be that I friggin love the Die Hard series. The latest addition however...

Like father. Like son. Like Hell.

    Yeah. Like Hell I'd ever watch this piece of crap again. 

    Let me start from the beginning. Growing up- ok maybe that's too early. No need for me to go Chunk. (The Goonies for you uncultured types.) When I heard they were going to make this Die Hard, I was ecstatic. I have seen every Die Hard before it a good amount of times throughout my life. When the 4th Die Hard was released I saw it two days in a row with different people. After that, I had some crazy dreams where I had to save some lady and there were helicopters crashing into buildings and the like. It was pretty awesome.

    But, I digress...I was told the man behind the movie had changed along with the man's idea of who McClane was. Ruh-roh. Right then I knew something wasn't going to go right. They were going to make McClane less funny and more serious. Um...what? McClane is supposed to throw out silly jokes once in a while. It's his personality. When you live a life full of bullshit, you gotta joke about it once in a while to stay sane. He had a few lines in there that were jokes, and didn't think too smart about some things but I guess we could chalk it up to becoming old and bitter and dumb. I don't know.

    Once I saw the movie I was super unimpressed and felt cheated. What was this wannabe Die Hard? His son?? Jerkface?? People?? UGGHH???

    Honestly this will be the worst review I ever give because it's been forever since I saw it and since then I've tried to forget it even existed. It was that bad.

    A coworker asked me a while back, "What did you think of the fifth Die Hard?" and I curtly replied, "What? There's only four."

    Live Free or Die Hard was just such a fun movie with fun characters. Sure the plot was whatever but I didn't care. It was fun. This one, however...It was depressing. The story was a complete waste. I don't even wanna talk about it anymore.

    And if you're wondering why I even bothered now (especially so late int he game) it's because I saw it at work...and I became enraged like a bull seeing red. 

You don't exiiiisssst.

Hansel And Gretel: Witch Hunters

Badass

 
    This movie was everything I hoped it would be. It was consistently awesome with every witch they fought and dare I say, someone Gemma Arterton was more badass than Jeremy Renner for once! Hansel (Renner) was definitely more 'kid brother who mucks up every now and then and has to have big sister come save his ass.'

Girl power.

    Plus it was nice that they made evil witches ugly instead of beautiful and seductive. It felt more like a fairy tale/folk story that way. 

   The story wasn't as predictable as I thought it would be either. I felt like it was mocking me every time I guessed something wrong. 

You thought you knew where we were going with this but you didn't haha. 

   I thought it was interesting that they brought up the subject of diabetes and an alternative to a defibrillator. Futuristic science in a fairy tale is definitely intriguing; especially when explained in a fairy tale way. The weapons were cool, the spells were cool...It was just cool, ok? I'd say 8 out of 10. Nice action, kickass movie. 

The Expendables 2

     Fuck yeah!

    If you thought the first one was cheesy and boring, don't worry! This one was even better, a tiny bit less cheesy, and a whole lot more kick ass.

    I'll admit, I could already guess everything that was going to happen but why would you even watch it for plot? There's explosions! Gun fights! Car chases! Better hand-to-hand combat! And the token leading lady is actually a good fighter this time! It also includes every cheesy one-liner I could have wished for.

    I recommend it to anyone who wants to see a decent action movie and of course to those who are fans of all the guys in the picture above. Who knows when we'll see this much badassery in one movie again.

The Dark Knight Rises

Quite literally

 
    The Dark Knight Rises was everything it should have been. There may have been a plot hole here or there but it wasn't hard to just accept and move on because...well...Batman.

    I was pleasantly surprised by Catherine Hathaway's version of Catwoman. She was way less literal and obvious about the whole cat thing and it definitely worked with this version of Batman. I don't really have much of an opinion on Bane other than his cartoony voice was splendid. Someone that terrifying having a ridiculous voice just kind of adds onto the terrifying. The plot twist was a bit obvious to me but I'll let it slide.

eheeeeheheheee

    The only thing that really bothered me was the amount of senseless killing in this movie. There was a TON of it. I'm not usually bothered by it in movies due to desensitization but it was very in your face. I feel like it wouldn't have been as good as it was otherwise but it was definitely a bit difficult to stomach. 

    The entire movie had me emotionally compromised which isn't something I'd love to admit. It was just that good. By the time the movie was over I felt a sense of closure and hope for what future projects it may inspire. I'm just not quite sure what to do with my life now that the trilogy is done. Here's to waiting for the next person to pick up Batman and make it just as good or better.

The Bourne Legacy

    I have just returned from seeing the movie Hawkeye Begi--- err...The Bourne Legacy.

Yeah, that one.

    If you love nothing but nonstop action then this is definitely the movie for you. No spoilers! Promise!

    This movie is basically a nonstop chase scene; a nonstop chase scene full of badassery.

Chase scene

Badassery

    Jeremy Renner is a plus. He exudes badassness as he runs along roofs and wrestles a wolf. Yes, he wrestles a wolf. If that isn't badass, I don't know what is. 

    In parts of the movie they speak of Jason Bourne, known for being the main character in the past Bourne movies, but that's all I'll say of that. I'll admit, I haven't seen a Bourne movie until now, so I can't compare it to the others. Just know, it was a good movie. I would probably rate it an 8/10. 

   

   My only issue with this movie is the ending. The ending itself isn't actually all that bad, just the fact that it ended. It's all action from start to finish. I felt like it was a total abrupt stop and it left me wanting more. In a way I guess that proves just how good it was. I wasn't wondering ten minutes in when it'll end or wondered where this was going. I was sucked in from start to finish. 

   I definitely recommend this movie to Jeremy Renner fans and fans of fast-paced action. The plot will probably make even more sense to Bourne fans so I would also recommend they see it as well regardless of the lack of Jason.